So, you’re single.

Maybe you’re panicking and freaking out about being single, but I’m going to show you that there’s nothing wrong with it.

YOU SHOULD BE CELEBRATING THIS!

Being single is an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. You get to spend a lot of quiet time with yourself — which can be terrifying or liberating depending on how you look at it.

I have had many single seasons in my adulthood, and I used that time to reflect on who I was and what made my heart sing. As a result, being single became one of the most powerful tools in my entire love journey. I didn’t know myself well enough for so long to understand what made me happy or what kind of person would add joy to my life. Being single helped me get clear on the relationship virtues and values that mattered most, romantically and platonically.

So if you are single, I ask you to take your happiness into your own hands.

Being single has its advantages. Here are ten of them.

1) You are taking care of yourself first and foremost

It’s easy to become consumed by someone else or get lost in a relationship that isn’t serving you, which is why single people often have the opportunity to develop into their best selves.

Prioritizing your wants, needs, and desires might feel selfish at first. But in time, you will see how self-care allows you to become a better you. When you’re okay, everyone in your life benefits. That means being a better friend, having more fun, following through, and getting things done

2) You get to do whatever you want, whenever you want

You’re single — take advantage of this! Whether it’s buying tickets to that concert next month or taking a trip out of the country, single people have all the freedom in the world. Single people can change their minds on a whim without having to consider anyone else’s plans. They don’t miss out on opportunities because someone is too tired or busy to go with them.

Being single offers so much more time and energy for those projects you’ve wanted to start. Try something new or finally take that yoga class. Whatever makes your heart dance is worth investing in!

3) Being single is excellent practice for dating

See, single people learn how to be in relationships with themselves. They become competent in knowing what they like and don’t like because they’re not distracted by a relationship.

Single people have the opportunity to seek self-awareness and deep connection with themselves before connecting intimately with another person. If you meet a special someone while single, chances are that your vulnerability will be deeper and more connected than that of a couple who have been together for years!

“…being single is an act of purging the clutter and making room for new thoughts (and dreams) to breathe and grow.” — Susan Winter, Relationship Expert

4) You are your own best friend

When you’re single, you become the cheerleader that matters. And that’s pretty empowering because you have everything you need to encourage yourself all on your own. So when opportunities arise, or things don’t work out exactly as planned, you don’t have to feel alone — because you’re your own biggest supporter.

And you can dance like no one is watching (the key is to do it in the privacy of your own home). You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself. So if you want to stay in for dinner and binge-watch Netflix, go ahead! Want to eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Have at it!

“[Single people] know how to carry a tune, drive a car, make a meal… singlehood is a state of being which requires skills that are not just social or relational, but practical. If you’re single and living alone, for example, you have to learn to do your own laundry.” — Esther Perel, Psychotherapist, and Relationship Expert
5) Your standards for dating become higher
Single people get selective about who they date because they can afford to. They will only invest their time and energy in someone who makes them feel good about themselves. When you’re single, your standards will rise to new heights, where finding someone who is your equal becomes the ultimate goal.

“We tend to think of being single as a matter of being alone rather than a matter of choosing the types of relationships we want to be in — including the relationship we have with ourselves.” — Esther Perel, Psychotherapist, and Relationship Expert
6) You become more comfortable in your skin
This is one of the most important values that single people learn to embrace. When you’re single, you have the opportunity to spend time with yourself and truly get to know who you are — and it’s incredibly empowering!

When you’re single, you’ll discover what makes you laugh and smile, what makes your heart sing and dance, and what brings out the best version of yourself. Until then, there will be hesitation in saying yes because of fear of rejection or being judged. But after spending some quality t-i-m-e with yourself, those fears will begin to melt away.

“People say a lot of times, when they’re in relationships, that they’ve lost themselves…When you’re alone, it creates opportunity for being more in touch with something inside of you.” — Dr. Niloo Dardashti, Psychologist and Relationship Expert
7) You get comfortable with change
In life, there will be times when things fall apart and don’t turn out exactly as planned — but it’s how we handle these issues that determine who we become in the end. When single people go through breakups or lose their jobs, they learn quickly to adapt and move forward.

We go through so many changes in our lives, whether we are single or partnered, and that requires us to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. And being single allows you time and space to learn how to embrace change instead of resisting it.

8) You learn how to become single
This may seem counterintuitive but being single presents an opportunity to get comfortable with singlehood. It can be scary and overwhelming if you have never been single before. Taking time to get used to single life means that when a relationship does come along, the single person will likely be more prepared for emotional vulnerability and a deep connection with another human being.

“You can have a full life as a single person, with economic independence, your own home, a job outside of the house, kids or no kids, multiple partners or no partners, and so on.” — Esther Perel, Psychotherapist, and Relationship Expert
9) You get to love yourself first
When we are in a relationship, we tend to put ourselves last on our list of priorities. Sometimes, when a long-term relationship or marriage ends, we suddenly realize everything was about the other person. It’s easy to feel like singlehood isn’t a gift initially, but it’s a gift in the end. Being single teaches us to love ourselves first and foremost.

You can love yourself more because there’s no reason to feel guilty. It’s easier to work on self-confidence and self-esteem when there isn’t someone else around who can limit what you can and cannot do. You get to love yourself before investing in another person which may lessen the likelihood of settling for something or someone mediocre.

10) You strengthen your friendships
When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to lose touch with friends. Being single provides more opportunities to invest in and strengthen your friendships. Friendships provide a level of connection and support that is different (not better) than a romantic partnership.

Use this “me-time” to deepen the intimacy in your friendships and platonic relationships. Solid friendships add to the quality of your life.

“Friendship is a love story. Different from romantic or filial love, it’s its own unique love story. Making friends is the first free choice relationship we have as kids. Our friends provide community and continuity in an ever-changing world. Our lifelong friends are our witnesses. They accompany us through the trials and tribulations of lovers that come and go, job changes, family rifts, births, deaths, and recoveries. And we are a witness for them, commiserating or celebrating together over morning coffee or late-night phone calls.” — Esther Perel, Psychotherapist, and Relationship Expert
Sources:

https://www.estherperel.com/blog/letters-from-esther-24-what-does-single-mean-for-you

https://time.com/5401028/benefits-being-single-experts/

https://www.estherperel.com/blog/letters-from-esther-27-friendship