From a young age, the idea of relationships is a present picture. Kids grow up watching couples on Disney Channel, like Hannah Montana and Jake Ryan, to real-world couples in J-14 magazine. As children grow older, the romances transfer from onscreen to the hallways and classrooms at school.

High school can be a popular place for first boyfriends and girlfriends, first dates and one’s first kiss. Children grow older and mature, some want the relationships and love they saw on their television screens. Social media can play a hand in this desire for relationships as well. Users are constantly posting about their significant other and their anniversaries, or just their love in general.

Some can feel like they are missing out if they are not in a relationship, or even feel sad about being single. For other people, being single has been the happiest time of their lives. Being in a time of singleness can help one learn lessons about themselves, what they want and don’t want in a relationship, or where they want to end up in future years.

Although your relationship status might say you are single, it does not mean you are alone. Times of singleness can be spent learning lessons, catching up with friendships and even developing different platonic relationships.

Chris Frank has learned quite a bit about himself in his times of singleness, and a lot about being comfortable with his relationship status. Frank is a 31-year-old male who has had different experiences both in and out of relationships. Frank has learned that life is a journey, and that different individuals might join him on his journey.

“When you meet someone, invite them on that adventure with you; don’t make them the adventure,” said Frank.

Frank learned from his adventures in different relationships to not let who he is with take up his entire life. Frank is not closed off to having individuals come on his adventure with him and giving attention to someone he might be interested in, however during his times of singleness he has learned to put his adventure in life ahead of those he invites along.

A student at Mount San Antonio College, Ian Cory, has taken his times of singleness to learn lessons about himself as well. Although he is only 19, Cory has had his time in relationships, broken up by times of singleness.

“Be honest with yourself” shared Cory on lessons he has learned.

Currently in a single time of his life, Cory has been working on honesty, especially with himself. Cory is honest about what he wants, what he will not settle for, but also where he is at in life. Cory wants to be honest about his own flaws so he can work on himself in times that he does not have to be invested in a relationship.

Noelle Gomez, who is getting ready to graduate from California Maritime Academy, is currently in a relationship that makes her happy. Being in a happy relationship made it a little difficult for Gomez to reflect on her single days.

“Live your best life recklessly,” shared Gomez once she gathered her thoughts.

Gomez reflected on a summer that was one of the best she had, partly because she was single and back home with her friends. However, this summer spent in a time of romantic singleness brought Gomez into the relationship she is in now. While Gomez was single she was able to live a fun life and spend time strengthening her platonic relationships, which helped her to be able to strengthen her romantic relationship.

One of Chaffey College’s own students, Ariel Esparza, takes her times of singleness to learn more about herself. One way she learned about herself is by doing things herself.

“No one else is going to do it with you. So you just take initiative and do stuff on your own, you learn what you’re actually capable of doing and that you’re capable of being by yourself,” says Esparza.

Esparza has learned to be comfortable with doing things alone and even learned how to have fun alone. She has learned how far her limits actually stretch, and that the only opinion that truly matters is her own. Although Esparza has come to be comfortable doing things alone, she does not neglect the platonic or family relationships she has. Esparza takes her times of singleness to strengthen her relationship with herself.

Former Chaffey student Anthony Pong has spent some time being single, and has learned different lessons along the way.

“Don’t download tinder. . .” joked Pong when asked on the lessons he has learned.

Like others, Pong has learned to work on himself while being single. He takes advantage of not being in a relationship by focusing on bettering himself.

“Its best to work on yourself while you have the time to yourself,” shared Pong, “Learn to love yourself instead of trying to love another.”

Although Pong considered his lessons corny, they are lessons that have helped him love himself, so he can later love another person. Pong’s lessons can apply to many individuals as well on their journey through relationships. When you know yourself and what you want, it can be easier to determine what you want in a significant other.

Helen Hickman, a 71-year-old resident of Imperial County, is currently married to her second husband, but still remembers the years she spent as a single mother. Hickman reflected on her first marriage and always feeling bad-tempered. She later realized she did not know who she was, and followed what her husband at the time would do. If he got a bad temper, so did she.

“It’s good to live a single life, to try and see who you really are. No parents, no siblings, no boyfriend, just you,” shared Hickman.

When Hickman left her first husband, she and her youngest daughter were living by themselves. Hickman considered this a time of singleness because she was living by herself taking care of her daughter.

“I enjoyed living single,” Hickman said, “It’s good to live alone, at least for a while, you learn who you really are, and if you do get married and if sometimes you lose your companion, you know you will survive.”

In the Time magazine article “9 Ways Being Single Can Improve Your Life”, Candice Jalili goes into different lessons learned during times of singleness.

Jalili talks with Dr. Niloo Dardashti, a psychological and relationship expert from New York.
One point Dardashti mentions is that when you’re not in a relationship, you have to be more self-sufficient. Because one’s life then becomes their own, people tend to take more risks, not having to worry about another person. You learn to focus just on yourself and thinking of how things will affect you.

Jalili then brings in a clinical psychologist, Dr. Jenny Taitz, author of How to Be Single and Happy, who mentions how being single gives you a chance to figure out personal details. Like Pong and Esparza, Taitz mentions that being in a time of singleness is a time to see where you want your life to go.

“What changes do you want to make? What classes, associates, or attitudes would you like to develop?” Taitz asks for those who are single.

Although being in a time of singleness can be hard, especially right after the end of a relationship, not all of it is bad. Being in a time of singleness opens up different possibilities for yourself, especially when you don’t have to worry about another person. Singleness can bring up different lessons like how to be by yourself, how to love yourself and a time to figure out what you really want in life.